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FWB: That’s Just My Sister!

By Alesha Elbert (Layy)

Family/Relationship Writer

    So I was on Facebook the other day and saw a status that was discussing the topic of guys having girls for friends. In a nutshell, the post had several girls tagged and the guy was stating that any woman that wants to be apart of his life, relationship wise, will have to respect those ladies, whom he tagged, because they’re his friends. I’m not even going to lie, I was very heated reading this because the post continued by stating that the woman must be insecure if she allows those friendships to annoy her. So… y’all already know, it’s about to go down.

    First and foremost, everyone is entitled to their own opinion because that’s a right that no one can take away from you. So right now, I’m about to hit up the soap box *claps hands together*. We all have a bae, boo, bestie, ride or die, homegirl or homeboy that we know isn’t going to leave our side. There is a strong possibility this person became your friend because you’ve had some type of intimate relationship with them or they’re actually blood related to you. And sometimes you may step out of the friend boundaries and do some things that people who are “just friends” aren’t supposed to do. I mean, it’s not hurting anybody… UNTIL one of you decides to get in a serious relationship with someone else.

    I will not say that you should cut that friend off, because you already know that’s not going to happen. But if you’re in a relationship and you have friends of the opposite sex, you need to help your partner understand that the relationships with your friends are ONLY friendships. Regardless of your sexual orientation, you still have to set the tone that this person is your friend, nothing more, nothing less. If a person gets jealous or angry, yes, there is a possibility that your partner could have self-esteem issues, but there is an even stronger possibility that they feel disrespected. Our generation is full of social media and negativity that sometimes people want to find a way to destroy one another instead of lifting each other up. If your partner does not feel comfortable with your friendships, talk to them. You know you want to remain friends with whomever it may be, so to spare heartbreak and arguments, let them know what’s up. ‘Cause you really don’t want this to end up happening…1236667_402617499883152_1848866026_n.jpg

And another thing, if you are the person in the relationship who have several friends of the opposite/same sex, would you want your partner to have just as many friends of the opposite/same sex? If you know it’s going to offend you, don’t expect them to compromise for you. That’s just the bottom line. Trust and what you can handle needs to be established from day one and both of you need to stick to the deal, feel me?

If you like this post, give us some feedback! You know what to do ☺

                                                -Layy

   

  · What Does It Mean To Be Smart?

By: Alia Lewis

Empowerment Writer

 

Have you ever wondered what it means to be smart?

I know this is random, but seriously.

What is intelligence? Is intelligence measured by school performance? Must you excel in all courses to be considered smart? Think about this. Have you ever questioned your intelligence because of your school performance?

Growing up, I’ve always been told that I was “smart.” School came pretty easy to me.

Only until the 4th grade, did I discover that I didn’t perform very well in math. Science soon followed. I was ok at the basic stuff but as it got more complicated and I became less interested in those tiny particles I couldn’t see, and thus declared myself to simply not be good at science, and eventually dumb.

Has that ever happened to you?

(Leave a comment and let me know!)

Today, I was studying for my bio exam today and had difficulty with some of the concepts. Thus I concluded like in 4th grade, I wasn’t smart. Stupid idea? You bet, but honestly I thought because the subjects didn’t come as easy to me as other subjects do, then maybe I wasn’t smart….

It’s funny because as I’m typing this I realize how ridiculous this all is.

Listen guys, don’t let your school performance discourage you. Just because every single subject isn’t as interesting and doesn’t come as naturally to you, doesn’t mean you’re not smart.

Webster defines smart as having or showing quick witted intelligence, but I consider it as natural curiosity and learning based on that curiosity. As we can see with millions of examples from famous creative, scientist, musicians, mathematicians, just because you don’t understand every concept in school doesn’t make you unintelligent. We each have things that sparks our natural curiosity. “Smartness” is the capacity to learn. There shouldn’t be judgement. Someone who creates formulas is just as smart as someone who crafts music from the trumpet they play.

Yes it’s important to learn about different aspects of many subjects, but let’s get away from the idea that someone who loves chemistry is smarter than someone who loves to write or paint or sing. Analytics is just as important as creativity and creativity involves analytics.

No matter what your teacher, friend, parent, or even grade says, you are smart. So don’t let anyone tell you otherwise!

-Peace, Alia

 

Let’s talk about size. For some people, it’s not something they have to worry about. After all, if you’re not working with much then you don’t have much to worry about. For most, on the other hand, size can be painfully unbearable – at least, it is for those unfortunate enough to come in contact with it.

We’re talking about egos.

The most widely accepted description of an “ego” is the result of all the thoughts, emotions, and beliefs we have about ourselves and our abilities. Many of these thoughts latch onto us without us knowing, like little invisible leeches! While it manifests in some as excessive arrogance, in others it manifests in an entirely different way: self-doubt.

Statements like “I’m not good at that,” or “Nah, I can’t pull that off,” are all sneak-peeks into these notions we have of ourselves.

On the flipside are phrases like, “I’m not saying I’m the best, but…” or  “I’m better than they are,” are clearly signs of excessive arrogance.

While there isn’t one set definition, or one concrete example, of what an ego is, there are ways to spot it in action.

Spotting an ego isn’t a one-time action. It’s more like we catch the aftermath of it in our actions. Some of the most common clues we can find is when we

  • Get Jealous
  • Let our pride get in the way
  • Blame ourselves when things don’t pan out
  • Put on for others

These may seem like natural reactions until we step back to reflect on why these actions took place at all. Why do we get jealous? Why do we allow our pride to dictate what we do?

Perhaps most important of all the examples: why do we blame ourselves when things don’t work out? Whether it be in friendships, relationships, work endeavors, or life in general, we say things like, “I’m so stupid,” or “I should’ve known better.”

Part of what it means to be human is wanting to have control over a situation. In many cases, especially ones involving other people, there are elements beyond our control. This is when our pride steps in and berates us for not “seeing the signs,” when no signs could’ve been seen.

When speaking on “putting on” for other people, this really becomes an issue when we stop being our authentic selves. There’s a fine line between displaying your best self, and changing your personality entirely. In order to save relationships  (romantic and platonic), we sometimes feel the need to alter our personalities to fit with our partner or a group of friends.

The most important question in determining whether something is the result of our ego is why. The million dollar question that we all grapple with at some point in our lives!

It isn’t an all-or-nothing endeavor. Many spiritual advisors will tell us to let go of our egos entirely, but don’t acknowledge the value that it holds. Our egos are the culmination of the thoughts and beliefs we have, as well as those that we inherited from our environment. As we reflect on why we act the way we do, we begin to uncover and detach those pesky invisible thought-leeches. And then what? We begin to heal!

5 Things That A Man Wants Out of A Woman

So yes, I went there, but watch the video man. It’s only 5 minutes.. seriously lol.

Yes! I couldn’t even squish this into a shorter video because it’s just that serious…and because sinuses got me effed up, but I hope you all enjoy this vlog as much as I enjoyed making (…well…)!

Want to get in touch with us? Just leave us some messages! (:

Apple Bandwagon Disease is real! It’s just as real as the Miami Heat Bandwagon Disease. Watch the video to see if you or someone you know is a carrier!

Check out this hilarious video brought to you by 

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I do not own the music from this video. I have no copyright to the song.

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Song excerpt @3:09-3:13 belongs to Chris Brown

Chris Brown- Loyal ft. Lil Wayne, Tyga

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Stop Giving Them Something to Talk About: Them Hoes Be Lurkin’

By Alesha Elbert

Family/Relationship Writer

    All my life I’ve heard the saying, “People gonna talk about you ‘til the day you die.” Translation, no matter where you are in this world, people will find some way to judge you or make you out to be something you’re not. But let’s be clear, *in T.I.’s voice*, we as humans love attention! We want to be noticed! Isn’t that what celebrities have done to reach their fame? They found something or a talent that some audience would enjoy. But seriously, what the hell does this have to do with relationships, Lay? I’m about to tell you.

They be lurkin’, lurkin’, lurkin’

    When you’re in a relationship, I don’t know about you guys, but as a woman, I love to let the world know. Now don’t get me wrong, my relationship status doesn’t have to be ALL over social media or anything like that, but I immediately call my friends and family to let them know who is causing the happiness in my life. BUT… when there are problems, those SAME people who were called about how good it was, are being called, again, to hear how bad it is.

    We have got to stop putting every bit of our business out there when it comes to relationships because there are always people watching. Or wait, let me use some new lingo, there is always somebody lurking. They’re just waiting for you to have a “f*ck up”, if you will, within your relationship. If you know you’re the type of person to cheat, don’t do it for all eyes to see. If you know you’re the freaky type, don’t let the neighbors know your name! If you’re a side chick, but see your man with the main, don’t go plotting to kill a bitch! Seriously, let’s not do that lol. jealous.jpg

Keep your circle small.

    Listen, I understand that everyone wants to have attention. You want to be open with your life so that you don’t turn into a ball of emotions that’s about to explode! But at the end of the day, find you a SMALL set of individuals that you know you can trust. As long as you have those people around you, nothing can go wrong in your life. This world is so nosey and has to know everything. They are lurking! So be careful of who you surround yourself with. Don’t give people something to talk about because at the end of the day, you’re only hurting yourself.

Go here and tell me your thoughts on this post. I would absolutely LOVE to hear some feedback from my lovely followers. And if you need advice, also go on our advice page and let me know what’s going on in your life, anonymously if you like!

                                                                      -Lady Layy

We took on the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge! Check out this video! If you’d like more information about ALS, the Ice Bucket Challenge, and what it’s all about, check out the Challenge Accepted article by Michelle Norsworthy.

“You are not a drop in the ocean.

You are the ocean in a drop.”

Rumi

 

There are those wonderful, amazing human beings who help out strangers in need. Let’s call them angels because, honestly, without them the world might seem a whole lot more grim. While we occasionally hear of the heroic feats of bravery and courage (like, oh, saving an entire family from a burning building), the everyday angels in our lives  go unappreciated.

These are the people who cheer us up, even if we aren’t sure why we’re upset. They’re the person in line behind you who sees you’re short some change and offers to buy it for you, no strings attached. They’re the person who’s been waiting in line at Wally World for what feels like hours, because they see you struggling with two kids and a migraine.

These are also the people who, without any ulterior motive, just want to share their happiness with you. No matter what form that blessing comes in, it’s undeniable when you come in contact with these angels.

But how do you pay them back? Of course they won’t expect anything, and many will outright deny any compensation. But you can do one thing. It’s the simplest of actions (and there’s even a movie about it): pay it forward.

You are not a drop in the ocean.”

Even if you’re doing it for the Karma points, you’re still helping someone out. These little acts of kindness can turn an absolutely shit week into something fantastic. Am I saying fork up every dime, nickel, and penny? No, but if you’ve got more than enough – share it. If you’ve got more time on your hands than you know what to do with – share it.

You are the ocean in a drop.

Although there are more than 7 billion people on this planet, inside you is the basic genetic makeup of our entire species. Inside you are the keys to life and what it means to be alive – this means love and joy and peace. We are a reflection of each other and I honestly believe that we know this. Why do I think that? Because when we see that stranger struggling, we can empathize with them. It’s likely we’ve been in that place, or know someone who has, and we see ourselves in them.

Paying it forward may seem too simple, but the impact one action can make has the power to change a person’s entire outlook on life, and the world around them.

 

For more ways to pay it forward, check out this website!

 

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By: Alia Lewis

Empowerment Writer

 

If I’d asked you how your week has been so far, what would you say? Good, okay, bad, stressful….Go on think about it, I’ll wait.

When someone asked me that question, I thought about it and responded “It was great.” But when I think about it now, everything wrong that could’ve happened, did happen! My roommates and I discovered there was a bug infestation in our new apartment; I was late for class which deducted points from my grade; I didn’t understand my Bio lesson; One of my roommates hates me; And to top it off,  there’s drama in my social circle! Since all of that happened in the past few days, why the heck did I believe I had a great week?

One word, 

    image

In life you can either look at the glass half full or half empty. The quantity in the glass is still the same either way you look at it. It just depends on your perspective. You may not be able to control the things that happen to you, but you have full control over the way you respond. Something can only upset you, if you allow it to.

I had every right to get upset about the bug situation, but honestly it was too funny to get upset. Just imagine the reaction of 3 college girls when they see a bug. There’s screaming, yelling, jumping on counters, making up imaginary words, everything!

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Even while typing this, I can’t help but laugh! Even with the bugs I couldn’t dwell on the negative too much because I had so many things to be grateful for. I’m in college,I have a place to live, I went through that situation with friends, and most importantly, we we’re able to afford bug spray! 

The point is, you have control over the most important aspect of any situation, which is, the way it makes you feel. You can either look at something with gratitude or malice. It’s all up to. In the end…

“The only difference between a good and bad day is your attitude.

–Dennis S. Brown

Have a fantastic weekend.

                                                                    -Peace, Alia

 

P.S: I hope this post encouraged you to look on the bright side of everything. If you enjoyed it and would like to reach out to me, you can message me here.

Keeping Up With the Celebrities

By Alesha Elbert

Family/Relationship Writer

    So of course since the Authentically Human team is full of teenagers, practically young adult women, one of the biggest things we LOVE to watch on TV is… Reality TV. From Keeping up with the Kardashians to Love & Hip Hop we always know the latest on celebrity drama. We, as a society, want to relate to the Bad Girls Club or hopefully have the life of a Basketball, Football, or R&B ex-wife. But what does this post have to do with relationships? That what we see is what we want! When it comes to reality television we want to have their romances. Hell, as soon as Mimi Faust decided to swing on a shower rod, we all ran to Home Depot! Just waiting to please our man lol. And even with Real Housewives of Atlanta, Kandi has her own sex toy boutique. Until we saw these “items” the only thing we would dare go near in those kinds of stores were condoms! The famous have effects on our relationships because when it’s trending, we have to do it.


    Reality television has replaced Happily Ever After Effect. We see that being a side chick can land us a record deal. We also see that you can date pretty much every type of athlete or rapper and still have a successful marriage. But we’ve got to get back to our reality. True love can be found by going to the grocery store or in your college classroom. You don’t have to become a stripper or have a sex tape to find your love. Hell you don’t even have to have millions of dollars. Try to go back to the basics and be who YOU are to find your love. If it was meant for you to go down the road that these celebrities have to find a great relationship, at this age, you’d already be there. We’re young, so have fun with your love life, but don’t make regrets that you don’t want to have to explain to your children once you get there.

  · Wake Up America: It’s Time To Raise The Bar

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WAKE UP AMERICA: It’s Time To Raise The Bar

By: Alia Lewis

Empowerment Writer

I know this is Sunday and today is supposed to be a peaceful day with the birds chirping and wind blowing, but recently some people have really pissed me off and I would like to address it.

If you haven’t noticed by now, this is a rant!!!!!

 

I’m sick of it. I’m sick of the body hating, the shame, the arrogance, the unforgiveness, the judging people by the way the look instead of by the way they act, the bullying, everything. I’m sick of the negativity HIP HOP has become. And most importantly I’m sick of people not being accountable for the negative impact they have on society. Yes, I’m talking about Nicki Minaj.

http://work4christ.files.wordpress.com/2012/11/actions-speak.jpg

 

How can you say

http://static1.quoteswave.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/Im-fighting-for-the-girls.jpg

But publicly diss skinny girls.

http://destinationfemme.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/ldf.jpg

and say

“Fuck those skinny bitches, fuck those skinny bitches in the club?”

 

Do they not have challenges as well? Are they less than you or others with big butts because of their size?  Selective hate is NOT OK.

As listeners, we have a choice in the music that’s produced and sold. Let’s raise the bar and hold people accountable for what they say. Let’s start judging people by the impact they have instead of the number of records they sell. Let’s determine who has the “greatest album of all time” by the influence they have on teens, youth, and communities in general.

Also, I’m not condemning hip hop. Personally I love it, it’s my favorite genre. And I’n not only blaming hip hop for the music that’s produced because people in every genre of music need to raise the bar. But I’m just tired of kids committing crimes because they’re encouraged to do it by rappers. I’m annoyed by all of the men who label women bitches and hoes because that’s all they hear in music. And most importantly I’m really tired of kids feeling less than because they can’t afford to wear the clothes rappers constantly brag about. You’re not lame or invaluable because your parents can’t afford or simply refuse to spend $200 on a pair of shoes.

 

Music undeniably has an impact on the way people think, behave, and live. Let’s raise the bar, and make EVERYONE in music, every genre, not just hip hop, but every artist accountable for what they say and what they do. Have a great week and amazing holiday.

 

 -Peace, Alia

If you have any feedback, I would love to hear your comments or concerns. I am not against hip hop and I would be happy to fully discuss my views in a civil manner when you message me here.



 


CHALLENGE ACCEPTED

Michelle Norsworthy

Culture & Spirituality

Water. Earth. Fire. Air.  Long ago, the people of the world donated to charitable foundations and good causes. Then, everything changed when the Millennials attacked.

Yes, I just did that (ATLA for life). With the rise in technology and the creative minds of marketing geniuses, there comes a new era of awareness campaigns: The  Era of the Ice Bucket Challenge.

In case you’re still not sure what the story is on this arctic trend, here’s the breakdown of some crucial information:

Amyotropic lateral sclerosis (ALS) is also known as Lou Gehrig’s Disease. ALS affects parts of the nervous system that control voluntary movement (i.e, walking, eating, etc). Unfortunately, many succumb to the disease on a few years after being diagnosed. For more information, check out the official ALS web page.

Not only does the Ice Bucket Challenge raise awareness for the disease, it also raises funds that go toward finding a treatment, and a cure, for ALS.

While no one can really agree on where this phenomenon surfaced, there are a lot of theories on its origin. Regardless of where it came from, there’s no denying that it’s working; the Challenge has reportedly raised over 94 million dollars (USD).

It’s easy as 1-2-3-4! Honestly, though, it’s the simplest* challenge to complete.

1: Video Yourself Getting a Bucket of Frigid Ice Water Dumped On Your Head

2: Post the Video to Social Media so Everyone Can See It

3: Nominate Someone (Some People) to Take the Challenge

They have 24 hours to complete it.

4: Go Here and Donate to the ALS Research

Because dumping a bucket of water on yourself isn’t enough to find a cure.

*While it is a simple challenge to complete, it can also be a dangerous one. Play it safe, guys!

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

By Alesha Elbert

Family/Relationship Writer

    Family is family is family. No matter how much you may try to get rid of them, your family is your family. I know that we all have our moments where we feel like we cannot stand to be in the same room with them, but once again, family is family. In our generation, we have been classified to be extremely rude and ungrateful. We don’t understand values and don’t care for what our ancestors have done for us along this road. But in the end we need to realize that having the opportunity to be apart of this life is a blessing within itself.

    When individuals cause you pain, we develop a sense of hatred towards them. There are levels to the hate, but in the end, there is some form of anger that occurs. BUT regardless of how bad the situation is you have to forgive. Even with those you care so much for, you gotta let it go. We have in our minds that no one would ever hurt us. That we are invincible. But that’s not true. There will come a point in our lives where disappointment will hit us. And when it does, don’t fight fire with fire, come to peace with the situation and LET IT GO. Especially with family. You were put with this family or guardian for a reason. They were given the opportunity to care and nurture you to be the person you are today. At least that should be enough to say, “Damn, I wouldn’t be here today had it not been for them.” Take that into consideration before you ever downplay a relationship you have with those who have sacrificed for you.

    You cannot choose what family you are born into, but you can always change the perception you have of them. Peace will come into your life when you learn to forgive, let go, and respect those who have been there for you. Things like this don’t just happen overnight, but you shouldn’t allow a situation you’re holding on to rule your life. No one is perfect, so let’s learn to accept those, even if they have done wrong in their lives.

Your post about body positivity.... 👌 thank you so much! I wouldn't say I'm skinny, I'm a D cup, but because of a fast metabolism I don't gain a lot of weight and people don't realize how much it hurts for them to call me skinny and to use phrases such as "only dogs go for bones." I think people need to realize it's two sides of the same coin and that we should empower all men and women to feel good about themselves and your post is a step closer to that 😘 thank you
thatoneredguard

Yes! Empowerment is the best message we can spread & thank you so much for sharing your story. There are a lot of people out there, on both sides, who face scrutiny. It’s really important for us to use these experiences to inspire & motivate others to love and accept the bodies they’re in.

Thank you so much for sharing your story, and for checking out our latest post. Stay empowered! ❤ ❤ 

- M.